Mystique
by BewilderedLoca
Summary: AU. Random Drabble based off in one of my shared RP's with Zutara4lyfe. Kikyou fights for what's the best thing for her first born child while having to narrow down what'll be a safer enviroment; between adoption or her risky lifestyle back at home.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the InuYasha characters and if I did well… that'd be too much power in my hand abit I guess, lol.

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As far as I can remember, there were several incidents in my life, I have done that may have either physically, emotionally or mentally harmed someone else rather than myself and I'd refused to let it get to me or kill me later. Wouldn't mope or live around to regret it, no one else rather than my close pick of family weren't worth feeling pity over. And it wasn't a lot either. But something unlike today, would possibly be one of the rare things that would haunt me and plague my mind for a long awhile until I was able to completely drink or drug the pain away.

I grunted abit as I felt the body within me move and start to kick around, I held my hand over my enlarged stomach I rented out to my first child, my first daughter. Unlike most typically happy mothers, most would be proud that they're giving birth to a beautiful baby girl and raise it to be the perfect madam or proper lady. To go shopping, do each other's hair, have those outlawed 'talks' until they're were at that appropriate age, soothe any insecurities they would have and just be there to give her the love and support every daughter needed.

Only difference here was, I was giving mines away.

Sure, I could've taken the pill or took the alternatives and have an abortion but I personally see that was a reason to throw it away in that harmful manner. Didn't even help that I wasn't living in a well-functional home, that my on and off boyfriend and my daughters' father had the most randomest mood swings and just the pressure of having to raise her, while still being a minor IN school with limited legal rights.

That wasn't the home a child like mines should be brought into, if anything this alternative may give my daughter an advantage to succeed farther and even give her everything she would need in life. Knowing myself, I'd probably just pull her down and keep her away from life changing chances or goals. So maybe this was the right thing to do for her, give her away to a capable willing mother who was in need of a child but wasn't able to have her own; may even know how to raise her.

Love her.

God knows I wouldn't know how to alone.

I sighed and hummed to myself as the insistent kicking stopped and soothed after awhile. I smiled abit and then began to doubt my beliefs and odds. Maybe there was a possibility she'd be happy with me. Maybe there was a chance and opportunities that would come up, if I still kept her. Maybe I could become that motherly figure I always wanted and become that extra backbone she would need also. We can maybe both benefit and learn from each other.

As both sides of my beliefs clashed, I looked over blankly and saw my doctor come in, along with the rest of the staff. I held my hand over my stomach again and felt painful convulses, knowing it was that time as the nurses maid were prepping me for labor and wheeled my mobile bed to the surgery room as I wondered to myself, 'Was this necessary?'

** -+++___+++-**

I blinked and looked around my room in a diluted daze. Everything was hazy and foggy as motion blurs move about the room. I heard beeping, distant chatter, lightly padded footsteps and a soft infant cry. Was it her? Or him? I couldn't tell even though I knew it was the meds and dosages they gave me during the labor to keep a quarter of my pain to a minimum.

I looked over to my side and as suspected, no one was at my side. Didn't want or have anyone to come and blur my judgment or just generally judge me for doing the deed I was about to do. The only ones who really knew was the qualified mother I knew my daughter would need. I slowly sat up and tried to look past the nurse who was near the sink, washing the child I had recently just pushed out.

As the room began to clear up, I tried to look around her and tapped her arm before she turned to leave. "Yes, Miss Rivera?"

"…Would it be okay if I can just… hold her for a few minutes?" I asked as she gave me a small frown.

"I'm sorry Miss Rivera but rules are rules and you signed a legal document, that the child goes straight to the adoptive parents, giving away all your legal and personal rights of ownership over the child." She told me in a bored tone as my daughter whimpered abit from the cold.

"You're not holding her right, see her arms still poking out." I told her as she wrapped her small delicate arm in the soft pink sheet, the hospital provided. "I'm sorry Miss, but her adoptive parents called and said they be on their way in five minutes."

"So then can I hold her for five minutes or until they come? ....Please?" I asked her, in a soft tone. "Just a few minutes to see her, hold her and cradle her before I never see her again?"

The nurse sighed and shook her head, "I'm sorry Miss Rivera, but regulations are regulations—"

"Just please, three minutes…alone. All I'm asking for, my health insurance pays you and everything, just please let me see her?" I pleaded as the nurse stared at me while I wiped my eyes. She stared at me for a long minute before hesitantly handing her over to me. "Only five minutes, Miss Rivera. That's all I can spare you." She told me as I nodded and pulled my daughter close. I waited until she left before I cradled her and gently moved the blanket away from her small chubby pale face.

She had a thick mound of dark brown hair and the most prettiest long eyelashes I have ever seen. She was so beautiful and gorgeous; I just wondered why I signed those papers again. She squirmed abit in my arms and made small cooing noises as I laid back and shifted my arms around her. She started to whimper and fuss abit while I soon after stroked her back in the same circular motion like I did when she was in my stomach 3 hours ago and smiled once again when I felt her stopped, calm down and nuzzles in the frame of my neck.

I whimpered abit and pulled her away, on my chest, trying to avoid too much close interaction with her as I could. Didn't want to get close and have my heart broken when Anne would come in and take her away. I looked over at the clock hanging on the wall and then back at her. She looked so content and precious in my eyes, in my arms.

I just thought about ripping that legal rights paper apart and telling Anne that she can be her babysitter during school days and not to be her mother. But strongly considering that option, I knew I didn't want my mother to go at it with her and me even, my angry ex boyfriend to lecture me and have to deal with his mother. I didn't want to end up like those mothers in those weekday morning talk shows, trying to prove my baby's paternity test.

I took a deep breath and looked over at the door when I heard the knock at the door, "Miss Rivera, are you done? Anne and John came for Jane Doe." She told me as I stuck my tongue out in disgust at the name 'Jane Doe'. As if my child should be named that. She needed a pretty name. A name that would point out her cute femininity looks and possible spunky attitude she would most likely carry, if she really was my child.

The door opened and the nurse from earlier walked in, while the couple I've chosen myself to raise my daughter came in also. I knew the moment I saw them, they'd take real good care of her. Old couples like these days had that special warm feeling around them. Anne meekly smiled at me and walked over, reaching her arms wide open. I instinctively pulled away and held her closer.

"Miss Rivera." The nurse called for me, almost getting ready to talk about regulations while Anne cut her off abruptly, "Don't be shy, dear. Me and John will take care of Madeleine." She told me while I scrunched my nose in slight disgust as she slowly took her away from me and cradled her. "See Anne? I told you not a lot of young girls approve of those names. I say Melissa." John told Anne as the nurse left to get the rest of the remaining documents they would have to sign.

"...Juliana." I said blankly as they both looked over.

"Juliana? Why that?" Anne asked me as I tried to remember where that name came from randomly. Then I remembered, I had to do a modern day skit of 'Romeo and Juliet' back in junior high school to pass my 8th grade. 'Juliana' was also the name I chose because the name 'Juliet' just bored me.

"…It's the name of my dead grandmother," I lied as they both glanced at each other before looking back over at me. "…it'd mean a lot if you named her that." I added as Anne gazed down at my daughter and smiled abit. John did the same after and I found myself smiling abit when she cooed.

"Alright dear… Juliana it is." She nodded in agreement and cradled her and John played with her small hands that reached out to grab it. I looked away and out the window, trying to not stare directly at their family moment I had no part of.

Outside, I saw it was a mellow sunny day in September. That was the first this month. I sighed and watched a pair, walking by the park outside of the hospital. A mother that was a 5 year difference from my age with her daughter, who looked to be around 3. I watched them eat pretzels bought from the food cart and plucked parts of the pretzels to feed the pigeons. I smiled abit at them and focused on them, oblivious to hear John and Anne leaving with my daughter, Juliana.

The little girl blinked up at my window, stared and waved with her hand, smiling with two front teeth missing. I blinked back at her and waved back as the mother smiled at me abit before the little girl ripped her glance away to reward her with a small craft made of paper and macaroni elbows. The woman smiled, pulled her on her lap and smothered her with the attention I used to crave for when I was that age. I wiped my eyes and looked away from that also.

I stared off into space thinking of the chances of those two being me and my daughter, Juliana. Happy and spoiling each other with affections, attention and love. As I laid back and felt my eyelashes my daughter inherited, fluttering and blinking, drifting into that hazy daze again. I took one more look around the room and only one thing came to mind;

Was it necessary?

**A/N:**** Okay folks, I was like on the verge of tears writing this abit actually. This setting or scenario actually came from my rp with 'Zutara4lyfe' and during our many divisions, this part revolves around high school era and I guess you can say is ripped from Sam's 'Tayousei's High' story because if I'm not mistaken, this takes place after Kikyou's father dies so… she's like stressed and the rest up there is explained. Uhmm… ooh yeah, the baby daddy is Sesshoumaru. Yes folks. Him.**

Uhmm, what else? She's really in my bunch; Juliana, so if any of you are interested to see how she looks, drop me a review message with email or something. And I swear it isn't horrible or inaccurate, lol. Think I'm missing something else… ooh yeah, hooray fer my serious one shit B3


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